[VoIP] More "Authentic" CNET

[windmill]

Mmm! This naively overlooks the obvious, Santa is not a man but a brand 
and there is approximately one Santa for every household that supports 
the brand. Most people never see him at work though a few people dress 
in his style and claim to be him for fun, for charity and sometimes 
dishonestly too!
All the quoted statistics are rather meaningless because for each Santa 
it is just a little extra work, just like doing overtime, most Santas 
don't even dress for the part, nor do they have to hook up the reindeer 
to the sledge and generally the presents are already on site having only 
to be moved into the open from their covert location.
Santa is pretty much invisible when working, because he doesn't wear his 
familiar suit, so no-one sees him drink his sherry and eat his mince pie 
and he has no trouble climbing the chimney because he never had to come 
down it in the first place.

So he never arrives, never leaves, but nevertheless he was present and 
he did his job without creating chaos in the world! The brand 
advertising does what it should and gives Santa that magical quality!

Brian

Jayson Smith wrote:
>
> Santa Facts
> Subject: Happy Holidays!
> From: Randy Kuehn
> Date: Tue, 20 Dec 1994 02:26:15 -0600
>
> SOME FACTS ABOUT SANTA CLAUS
>
> 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of 
> living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects 
> and
> germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa 
> has ever seen.
>
> 2) There are 2 billion children in the world (persons under 18). But since 
> Santa doesn't (appear) to handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist 
> children,
> that reduces the workload by 85% of the total - leaving 378 million 
> according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 
> 3.5 children
> per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one 
> good child per house.
>
> 3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different 
> time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west 
> (which
> seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say 
> that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000 the 
> of
> a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the 
> stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever 
> snacks
> have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move 
> on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are 
> evenly
> distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for 
> the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about
> 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting 
> stops to do what most of us do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, 
> etc.
> That means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times 
> the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle
> on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a 
> conventional reindeer can run, at tops 25-30 miles per hour.
>
> 4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming each 
> child gets nothing more then a medium sized LEGO set (2 lbs), the sleigh is
> carrying 321300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as 
> overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. 
> Even
> granting the 'flying reindeer' can pull TEN TIMES that normal amount, we 
> cannot do the job with eight, or even nine - we need 214200 reindeer. This 
> increased
> the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh to 353430 tons. 
> Again for comparison, this is four timed the weight of the HMS Queen 
> Elizabeth.
>
> 5) 353000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air 
> resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as 
> spacecrafts re-entering
> the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of 
> energy per second, each. In short, they will burst into flames almost 
> instantaneously,
> exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating a deafening sonic boom in 
> their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 
> thousandths
> of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subject to centrifugal forces of 
> 17500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb Santa (which seems ludicrously 
> slim)
> would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by a 4,315,015 pound force. In 
> conclusion, if Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas eve, he's now 
> dead.
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