[VoIP] Fun with Pat and Jane
Jayson Smith
ratguy at insightbb.com
Wed Feb 20 14:05:24 CST 2008
Hi,
Here's a funny piece from several years back, from a humor site.
Thought it was appropriate now.
Jayson
10 Cents a Minute
AT&T
[Editor's note: This was written by Robert Byron. It can also be found
on his site,
which he sent to me, although when I tried this link it didn't
work...anyway, it's reprinted with his permission, so if you forward it
please leave this
attribution intact.]
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to
sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to
be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went
something
like this: (swallowing)
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
surprise,
when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
( When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this
lady
was persistent.)
AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but
she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to
whip
out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's
right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at
the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check,
can
I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per
year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute.
Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10
cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
subliminal
telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you
know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.
So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while
I
have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I
could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was
helping you.
Me: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end
this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the
other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up
for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
brother...
AT&T: (click)
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----- Original Message -----
From: "Ian Jolly" <ian at uax.org.uk>
To: "Voice Over IP Tandem for Analog Switches" <voip at ckts.info>
Sent: Wednesday, February 20, 2008 2:47 PM
Subject: Re: [VoIP] Fun with Pat and Jane
> Both my home telephone number and one of my mobile numbers appear in our
> telephone directory in the UK.
>
> The predictive dialler usually calls my home number first and it is
> usually
> 'double glazing' or 'cheap phone calls'. I don't give them the chance to
> start their spiel ! " Sorry - Not interested " and down goes the phone.
>
> A couple of minutes later, the mobile phone goes as they work down the
> list.
> "Ah - cheap double glazing/phone calls/line rental- Tell me all about it"
>
> I then keep them taking as long as possible making them think I'm
> interested. Once they think they've convinced me, I point out that their
> offer of 'Free windows at the rear of the house if you buy those at the
> front' (or the like) isn't much use to me - I'm camping in a tent in the
> Highlands of Scotland !
>
> What they don't realise is the cost of the call! Here in the UK the
> caller
> pays the whole of the cost of the call to a mobile phone and the number I
> use costs them approx 30p per minute compared with about 1p per minute to
> a
> landline! Longest call I managed was for cheap line rental on my
> landline -
> kept him going for an hour ! :-)))
>
> Ian J
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mark Rudholm" <mark at rudholm.com>
> To: "Voice Over IP Tandem for Analog Switches" <voip at ckts.info>
> Sent: Wednesday, February 20, 2008 3:38 PM
> Subject: Re: [VoIP] Fun with Pat and Jane
>
>
>> I've had success with "oh, lower interest? I'm definitely
>> interested in that, but you caught me in a meeting, is
>> there a way I can call you back when I have time to talk?"
>>
>> Steph Kerman wrote:
>>> Brian,
>>>
>>> YW. Another factor is probably this: For predictive dialers to work
>>> well, a large groups of attendants and placed calls is necessary so the
>>> statistical delays involved in dialing ahead can average out. The
>>> smaller the group size, the greater the probability that all attendants
>>> will be in the midst of a call and no on will be available for the call
>>> that has just answered. It's basic traffic theory. As more and more
>>> small boiler room operations engage in this, it's inevitable that there
>>> will be more and more hang-ups as a percentage of the total calls placed
>>> by all of them.
>>>
>>> I receive calls on a regular basis from a specific organization that
>>> claims to offer debt consolidation. So far, though I have gotten better
>>> at it, I have not succeeded in learning their identity. Each time I get
>>> further into the dialog with them. Of course, I am recording each of
>>> these calls for quality assurance. ;-) And so that there is a record
>>> of the time, date, duration and exact details of each call in case I
>>> eventually am able to report them for violation of DNC regulations.
>>> But these folks are crafty and as soon as you say the wrong thing you
>>> are met with an immediate loop current interruption as they summarily
>>> terminate the call. Asking who they are or how to contact them is the
>>> first big "no-no". Answering with anything about your credit situation
>>> that does not match their target produces the same result. So far
>>> they've probably called me 6 or more times. I have no need for their
>>> services but I am slightly outraged that they blatantly ignore the DNC
>>> rules and play this anonymity game. I wonder at what point if any they
>>> would reveal who they are. Perhaps they are just phishing for
>>> identities to steal from the gullible.
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